Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
