I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I will pee on everything he values.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
