I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I love you.
Bad choice
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
