somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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