you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
