i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
