I want to stick my p in your. b.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
