I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
