It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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