Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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