A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
