is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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