you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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