textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
