So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I made him laugh his dick is mine
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
