i just had sex bonerless
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
