I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
