Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
