I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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