Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
