yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
