I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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