Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
