I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
