She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
