You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
