Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Quick, to the slutcave!
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
