Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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