his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
