did you get engaged???
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
