why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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