I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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