we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
