haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
