Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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