I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
