Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
accomplished twins. life is a go
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
