im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
