I will die if light touches me.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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