they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
