I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
