just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
