Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
