i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Randomize
