Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
