we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
