O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
