There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I wish life had little blips of pornography
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
