it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
