I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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