May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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