What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
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