she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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