Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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