Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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