Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
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