you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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